3 Easy Ways to Feel Sexier During the Holidays

It’s the time of year when we get more focused on gratitude and giving isn’t it? I am willing to bet that the one thing you are not focusing on enough is taking care of you, and that can make all the difference. I completely understand the pressure to make sure the right gifts are made or bought, that everyone in your life feels special and considered during the holiday season. It’s totally normal to feel frazzled doing things for everyone else, so I am speaking to myself and all of you when I say, please give a little time for yourself in the midst of the season of giving.

What can we do to feel nurtured, rested and loved? It’s often so busy in our lives as women that we don’t take the time to connect with ourselves and the wellspring of love, energy, pleasure and joy that surrounds us. Feeling loved, having awesome sex and amazing orgasms has to start somewhere, so here are some basics to support your journey, especially during this time of year.

These ideas may help you to feel nurtured, sexy, and beautiful. They don’t take much extra time and can be easily done regularly. You are so loved and it’s very important for you to be treating yourself in a loving way. Remember that you are letting everyone around you know how you would like to be treated by the way you treat yourself.

1. Take a bath, make it smell pretty, light candles if you have the time, but if you don’t just spend time actually massaging and appreciating all of the parts of your body. You have to wash anyway, so instead of doing it to get it over with quickly, make it feel good! Spend extra time on the parts that feel the best. Set a timer for 5-15 minutes and don’t stop until the timer is done. Enjoy the warm water and let it soothe you. You will be surprised at how much awesome massaging you can get in with a small amount of extra time. (This also works in the shower if you don’t always take a bath.)

2. Put on music you enjoy. In the shower or bath, or while you do something else and make sure to DANCE to the music. Let those hips release and roll. Besides being great for dancing, music sets the mood and contributes to the enviroment so think about what mood you want to create. For example, in the evening, after my kids go to bed, we like to turn on some sexy music to start our evening together, it’s a much different mood than turning on the TV.

3. Wear something that makes you feel beautiful, either as underclothing or outer clothing. This can change your vibe in the world and it changes the way your partner looks at you, especially when only the two of you are in on it!

I hope one or all of these things will help you to feel more sexy and connected with your inner goddess during the holidays and throughout the year. You are a beautiful and powerful being and you are worthy of great ecstasy and amazing experiences of love and they begin with YOU!

You Are Absolutely Worth It!

When I talk to women about what I do, helping women to with better, hotter, more orgasmic and more connected sex lives in their marriages, I often get these responses;

“It’s too much work.”

“Why would I even try, I’m already busy and tired.”

or

“We gave that up years ago, my husband has no sex drive (or has erectile dysfunction)  and I just don’t care anymore.”

Hey, if you both really don’t care about sex and are totally happy without it, I’m not going to try and convince you. I would ask you to consider a few things. Are you really both happy without it? If you think of your ideal happy relationship, life, etc…, does it really not include awesome sex, amazing orgasms and beautiful moments of pure naked connection between you and your husband? Sex is important for both sexes, but did you know that it is especially important for women psychologically and spiritually?

Why is sex important for women? Why do orgasms, both the quality and quantity matter? Why do I think this is such an important and valuable subject that I am committed to raising awareness about it? The simple answer is that sex actually affects everything about a woman’s life. Our relationship to ourselves, our partners, our families, our careers, the world and our sense of purpose here in it. The power, chemical synergy in our bodies, sense of confidence, motivation, worthiness and creativity are all boosted, inspired and activated by great sex!

Knowing what you want sexually, desiring and pursuing great sex creates a flow of dopamine, resulting in a hormonal cocktail of motivation, energy, focus and euphoria that extends into every other part of your life. This system works beautifully in our bodies when our desire and anticipation of sex culminates in fulfilling, orgasmic sex which creates another hormonal cocktail of bliss and euphoria.It completes the perfect cycle of hormonal, emotional and physical triggers and we get the outcome of feeling joyful, loving, powerful and at one with our lover and universe! Our lives are more inspired, our anger melts away, we feel more connected to our husbands and compassion and love play much larger roles in our lives, everything is better!

So, who wouldn’t want that? If that isn’t how it feels for you, there is some science to explain what may have happened. If our bodies learned that the arousal or feeling desire and being aroused did not lead to fulfilling sex and orgasms, eventually our bodies learn that there is nothing to get excited about, so all of the positive benefits diminish and the lack of hormones dull your arousal, sensation and experience to sex and life in general. It may have been that you were young and inexperienced for a long time. Maybe you didn’t feel comfortable with your own sexuality, or didn’t have the communication skills to work it out with your husband.  It’s likely that your husband, (or previous long term sexual parter), didn’t know better and thought 5 minutes, (give or take) of penetration should have done it for you because it was enough for him. Regardless of the reason, you may now have apathy about sex because of the years you just didn’t know better. The great news is that you can re-train your body for new and better responses and start wanting and enjoying sex more than you ever have before. What do you have to loose? If you are already not having amazing sex, it can only get better!

Giving up on the awesome gifts that amazing sex brings to our lives, for any reason, is tragic! As we mature into our thirties, forties and fifties, we enter into an entirely new and amazing phase of sexual development. You may have heard that women have a sexual peak in their 40’s and I’m here to say that it’s a real thing. Not only are we more empowered in own our own sexiness, but our bodies are able to experience pleasure in different ways and we are much more likely to be feeling more accepting and loving to ourselves. This is related to less self judgement, releasing concern about what others think, a view of the bigger picture, and a shift in energy focus. Finally, as our fertility wanes, we reach an age where sex can be just for love, pleasure, fun and connection.

 

Here’s what you need to know. Regardless of your past experiences with sex, you are normal. Did you know that men’s sex organs all have multiple purposes, but only women have a body part, the clitoris, with more nerve endings than any other part of our bodies, by A LOT, and it is solely for the purpose of sexual pleasure? We were literally created to have pleasure without procreation! That tells us that it is important to our lives in ways that most of us have not yet embraced.

What would it be like to take the beautiful, loving, amazing, orgasmic, ecstatic sex in your life to new and powerful levels? Imagine the places that creative energy and motivation could take you. Of the thousands of ways you may have heard to shift your attitude and make your life better, investing time in having greater sex has got to be among the most fun and rewarding! Create the vision of a more amazing sex life, talk about it with your husband and get some support if you need help, but know that you are worth it, great sex is worth it, your marriage is worth it, and most of all, YOU ARE WORTH IT!

 

I love to support women on this journey, if you are inspired or just curious about taking the path to a better life through better sex, I would love to coach you. I offer a free initial coaching session, contact me at veronica@OMGmonogamy.com  and we will set up a time to talk soon.

Wishing you tons of ecstasy,

 

Veronica

OMG Monogamy

Coaching, Speaking, Education, Workshops

(408)758-8OMG (8664)

3 Alternatives to Marital Mind Reading

Do you ever wish everyone would do what you wanted without having to ask? It would be like magic, the house would be clean, the dinner would be prepared and healthy and everyone would eat it, your husband would buy you the perfect gift and give it to you on a day when you really needed the reminder of how appreciated and loved you are. Sometimes I think I get upset because my life does not work like that, but when I examine my logic more closely, I realize that I am thinking crazy! Although I do have a few friends who are actually psychic, even their powers don’t work like this. So, if even psychic friends  can’t read minds and fulfill basic everyday normal things that are pretty obvious to figure out, what are the chances that our husbands can read our minds when it comes to sex?

Don’t get me wrong, one of the best parts of being married is that we have a lifetime to learn about each other, the things that work and don’t work sexually and what turns ourselves and our partners on. It is possible to be married and not know these kinds of things, but that usually leads to a non-existent or very minimal sex life together. Even if that describes your life now, there is hope for revitalizing your ho hum sex life into a hot, steamy, and fun sexual relationship! There are a few very important things you can do to get things or keep things exciting in the bedroom, (or shower or wilderness or wherever you like to get it on).

1. Devote time to understanding your own pleasure, fantasies, desires and orgasms. You may find this easier to do alone because there is less pressure and expectation. It’s also a very important skill to understand how your body works, what turns on your own pleasure sensors, what kinds of things you can do, read, think about and feel that get your orgasm train on the right track. Mastering your own erotic pleasure, worthiness and orgasms, creates a foundation of understanding that you can use to communicate effectively to your husband while you are together. Click here for more on tips on more orgasms. The information you learn will also open up a flow of creativity, confidence and joy that will support your ability to communicate clearly in a way that supports the growth and connection between the two of you.
2.  Learn and practice a language you can use to discuss sexual topics together. This may include reading books about sexual topics, sex education or varying degrees of erotica. Any tool you use to stimulate conversation will be helpful in building a repertoire of words, actions, ideas and situations you can reference together. Feeling comfortable about communicating your thoughts, desires, and needs clearly, really helps to move your sex life forward in beautiful ways.  Discussing a wide variety of possibilities and feeling great about saying what else you might like, will make sex so much better for both of you!
3. Work on your own judgement about everything. Often times women who have difficulty enjoying sex or experiencing pleasure and orgasms fully are being held back by their own judgement and beliefs. There are so many options of ways to share your love and allow ecstasy to flow together in deep sexual connection that I don’t think it could ever be boring! When you choose to impose a strict set of beliefs on yourself and your sexual life through judgement that only a few things are acceptable, you are giving your body the message that you are not safe, your instincts can’t be trusted and that someone, maybe you or your husband or yourself, are bad or wrong or twisted. These are incongruent with an open, loving, joyful and sexually happy marriage.

We chose our husbands for many great reasons. We committed to each other that we would be THE ONE partner until death parts us. This commitment includes being very interested in the things that feed each other’s souls, bodies and minds. Sexual pleasure, mental stimulation and spiritual connection are all part of the needs we each have as humans. In sexual relationship we can open ourselves to a vulnerability and depth of experience that we rarely have anywhere else in our lives. This beautiful opportunity sex provides for us to give and receive in a profound and extremely personal way gives us plenty of room to grow in compassion, acceptance and love of ourselves and our partner. So, if you think there is room for more fun, pleasure, communication and freedom in your sex life together, give these tips a try, you have little to loose and SO much to gain, you are worth it!

 

Beautiful, Confident and Sexy

Being confident about our worthiness is so very important to living an authentic, exciting, creative and passionate life. The power of affirmations has been proven time and again, they reach into your subconscious and help to weed out the old beliefs that don’t serve you. Here are some affirmations to use daily, or multiple times daily, that support your growth, confidence and allowing of pleasure into your life at new levels.

Passionate sex and deep pleasure are my birthright.
Orgasms are a gift of physical and energetic connection to all that is.
Experiencing orgasms alone and/or with my lover allows me to connect in a beautiful and powerful way with love, creativity, light and God.
I am loved and I am worthy of this gift to it’s fullest extent.
I am safe, I can allow myself to be loved, to be open and to be seen by my lover who truly wants me to be the best and truest version of me.
Allowing myself to embody pleasure, ecstasy, joy and the deep connection only possible in sex with my lover, makes my life richer, our relationship stronger and all aspects of my life more creative and powerful.
Playing with my own perceived taboos and naughtiness is erotic and exciting.
My sex life is the perfect place for me to be vulnerable and expand my understanding of myself.
I am safe to be open to learning about myself through my sexual thoughts, fantasies, ideas and intuition and I have a partner who will celebrate and enjoy sharing this process with me.
I am open to discussing anything that brings pleasure to me or my lover in the safety of our loving, consensual, committed relationship.

I am holding the vision of you living everyday as the glorious, unique, beautiful and sexy woman you truly are. You are worthy of all that you imagine and so much more!

If you would like to take further action on these affirmations or want more support contact me.

 

Are You Faking It?

I know from many discussions with friends and coaching clients, that sex is an area of ourselves and our lives where we either don’t know how to say what we want, are afraid to say it and sometimes, aren’t even sure what it is. We often have beliefs or rules about our own sexual thoughts, language and behaviors that we didn’t intentionally choose but are still affecting our own levels of frustration, irritation and even anger that prevent us from allowing pleasure. If we don’t acknowledge and value our own worthiness, don’t have awesome communication skills and/or fear our partner’s reaction, we may decide to just fake it to get it over with. We convince ourselves that our own truth is less important than the impression someone else has, including our life partner! This belief is a downward spiral, that festers inside of us, makes us feel more frustrated and causes less interest in sex altogether. So, what’s the solution?

We can start by telling the truth about our feelings, our pleasure, our orgasms, our fantasies. Be honest, be authentic and stop judging. I am talking about realizing the true worthiness of our being, our soul and our life and behaving with that confidence. There is work for all of us to do around feeling worthy, valued and truly loved for exactly who we are without faking it at all. (FYI, I’m not saying it’s ok to be a mean bitch, if that’s how you feel I think another approach may be necessary!) You deserve amazing orgasms, they are your birthright, I am serious. Think for a moment about the ways you get to experience love, joy, ecstasy and pure pleasure in your life. For me, amazing sex is my  number one physical experience. We have a body for many reasons, sexual pleasure is one of the most important ones for our growth, creativity and romantic relationship.

There is a power that comes with honoring our own desire, embracing our ecstasy and connecting with the deep, unconditional love that surrounds us. Within our committed, monogamous relationships, we all have to continue to grow individually and together for it to be healthy and happy. Who you have been, who you are now, and who you are becoming are three different people. Moving forward into a life with even more passion, connection and authenticity together is a conscious choice. Being true to yourself is a required part of this journey. Within the context of our loving relationship, I know there is room for better communication, more compassion, deeper forgiveness and a much clearer relationship with our worthiness and those create a beautiful space for personal growth, more amazing sex and long term marital happiness.