3 Easy Ways to Feel Sexier During the Holidays

It’s the time of year when we get more focused on gratitude and giving isn’t it? I am willing to bet that the one thing you are not focusing on enough is taking care of you, and that can make all the difference. I completely understand the pressure to make sure the right gifts are made or bought, that everyone in your life feels special and considered during the holiday season. It’s totally normal to feel frazzled doing things for everyone else, so I am speaking to myself and all of you when I say, please give a little time for yourself in the midst of the season of giving.

What can we do to feel nurtured, rested and loved? It’s often so busy in our lives as women that we don’t take the time to connect with ourselves and the wellspring of love, energy, pleasure and joy that surrounds us. Feeling loved, having awesome sex and amazing orgasms has to start somewhere, so here are some basics to support your journey, especially during this time of year.

These ideas may help you to feel nurtured, sexy, and beautiful. They don’t take much extra time and can be easily done regularly. You are so loved and it’s very important for you to be treating yourself in a loving way. Remember that you are letting everyone around you know how you would like to be treated by the way you treat yourself.

1. Take a bath, make it smell pretty, light candles if you have the time, but if you don’t just spend time actually massaging and appreciating all of the parts of your body. You have to wash anyway, so instead of doing it to get it over with quickly, make it feel good! Spend extra time on the parts that feel the best. Set a timer for 5-15 minutes and don’t stop until the timer is done. Enjoy the warm water and let it soothe you. You will be surprised at how much awesome massaging you can get in with a small amount of extra time. (This also works in the shower if you don’t always take a bath.)

2. Put on music you enjoy. In the shower or bath, or while you do something else and make sure to DANCE to the music. Let those hips release and roll. Besides being great for dancing, music sets the mood and contributes to the enviroment so think about what mood you want to create. For example, in the evening, after my kids go to bed, we like to turn on some sexy music to start our evening together, it’s a much different mood than turning on the TV.

3. Wear something that makes you feel beautiful, either as underclothing or outer clothing. This can change your vibe in the world and it changes the way your partner looks at you, especially when only the two of you are in on it!

I hope one or all of these things will help you to feel more sexy and connected with your inner goddess during the holidays and throughout the year. You are a beautiful and powerful being and you are worthy of great ecstasy and amazing experiences of love and they begin with YOU!

3 Alternatives to Marital Mind Reading

Do you ever wish everyone would do what you wanted without having to ask? It would be like magic, the house would be clean, the dinner would be prepared and healthy and everyone would eat it, your husband would buy you the perfect gift and give it to you on a day when you really needed the reminder of how appreciated and loved you are. Sometimes I think I get upset because my life does not work like that, but when I examine my logic more closely, I realize that I am thinking crazy! Although I do have a few friends who are actually psychic, even their powers don’t work like this. So, if even psychic friends  can’t read minds and fulfill basic everyday normal things that are pretty obvious to figure out, what are the chances that our husbands can read our minds when it comes to sex?

Don’t get me wrong, one of the best parts of being married is that we have a lifetime to learn about each other, the things that work and don’t work sexually and what turns ourselves and our partners on. It is possible to be married and not know these kinds of things, but that usually leads to a non-existent or very minimal sex life together. Even if that describes your life now, there is hope for revitalizing your ho hum sex life into a hot, steamy, and fun sexual relationship! There are a few very important things you can do to get things or keep things exciting in the bedroom, (or shower or wilderness or wherever you like to get it on).

1. Devote time to understanding your own pleasure, fantasies, desires and orgasms. You may find this easier to do alone because there is less pressure and expectation. It’s also a very important skill to understand how your body works, what turns on your own pleasure sensors, what kinds of things you can do, read, think about and feel that get your orgasm train on the right track. Mastering your own erotic pleasure, worthiness and orgasms, creates a foundation of understanding that you can use to communicate effectively to your husband while you are together. Click here for more on tips on more orgasms. The information you learn will also open up a flow of creativity, confidence and joy that will support your ability to communicate clearly in a way that supports the growth and connection between the two of you.
2.  Learn and practice a language you can use to discuss sexual topics together. This may include reading books about sexual topics, sex education or varying degrees of erotica. Any tool you use to stimulate conversation will be helpful in building a repertoire of words, actions, ideas and situations you can reference together. Feeling comfortable about communicating your thoughts, desires, and needs clearly, really helps to move your sex life forward in beautiful ways.  Discussing a wide variety of possibilities and feeling great about saying what else you might like, will make sex so much better for both of you!
3. Work on your own judgement about everything. Often times women who have difficulty enjoying sex or experiencing pleasure and orgasms fully are being held back by their own judgement and beliefs. There are so many options of ways to share your love and allow ecstasy to flow together in deep sexual connection that I don’t think it could ever be boring! When you choose to impose a strict set of beliefs on yourself and your sexual life through judgement that only a few things are acceptable, you are giving your body the message that you are not safe, your instincts can’t be trusted and that someone, maybe you or your husband or yourself, are bad or wrong or twisted. These are incongruent with an open, loving, joyful and sexually happy marriage.

We chose our husbands for many great reasons. We committed to each other that we would be THE ONE partner until death parts us. This commitment includes being very interested in the things that feed each other’s souls, bodies and minds. Sexual pleasure, mental stimulation and spiritual connection are all part of the needs we each have as humans. In sexual relationship we can open ourselves to a vulnerability and depth of experience that we rarely have anywhere else in our lives. This beautiful opportunity sex provides for us to give and receive in a profound and extremely personal way gives us plenty of room to grow in compassion, acceptance and love of ourselves and our partner. So, if you think there is room for more fun, pleasure, communication and freedom in your sex life together, give these tips a try, you have little to loose and SO much to gain, you are worth it!

 

Yes! The Power of Submission

Being at least a little bit of a control freak may just come with being a mom, a wife, and a woman in general. We are usually the functioning CEO’s in our families. It’s not that we don’t work together with our husbands, it’s that we seem to be the ones making sure everything is getting done. From kid sleepovers to sports practices and games to orthodontist appointments, homework, school projects and music lessons, we make sure it all happens, and that doesn’t even include our own social and work lives.  I don’t know about you, but I like to see my perfect plan work out exactly as I envisioned it. Of course, that is not reality most of the time because, well, life surprises us.  Every once in a while, a surprise, in an appropriate and mostly expected situation is fine, like a present I didn’t expect from my husband on a special day or a very hot night of sex where I just have to show up and be willing to allow what he has planned for me. I know that I have spent many years working on allowing and being vulnerable.  I believe that a planned surprise is my favorite kind, if it’s of a sexual nature that’s even better!

What is planned surprise? It means making a plan to allow yourself to flow with someone else’s plan by being clear about your boundaries and the kind of things you are interested in feeling or experiencing. When these criteria are met, you feel safe and can allow yourself to let go and experience vulnerability with a safety net. It can be very erotic and intense to allow yourself to be taken on a journey that you are not in control of. I am referring to submission, but submission with clear understandings of what you are comfortable with and open to. If you trust your husband and you feel comfortable that he knows you and listens to you, this is a great way to increase intimacy between you.

Playing with sexual power dynamics and control can be an intense experience. While it may usually be that you equally participate in the flow of seduction, foreplay and love making, agreeing to change things up sometimes can be fun and exciting. This requires conversations and communication about expectations, boundaries, trust and roles. If you are interested in being totally seduced, or ravished or controlled sexually, you have to talk about it with your spouse for it to happen. If you want to feel safe to explore your own physical and emotional responses to varying types of energy and intensity from your husband, without knowing exactly what will happen, you need to talk about your own boundaries for feeling safe in your body and your emotions, be clear about what you are O.K. with and what you are not, and then be willing to be vulnerable.

As you discuss this planned surprise, give him many options, you can use a list of sexual activities to facilitate the discussion and help you to explore topics that would not come up organically between you. (Barbara Carrellas has a list in her book Urban Tantra) Often times, playing with the unknown and things that are on the edge of your comfort zone, can be very hot. Knowing that you are one giant YES to anything is powerful. It may be challenging to release your need for control of the situation and comply with his plan, but try to take the challenge and observe your responses. Remember, you have already set out clear boundaries that you trust him to respect. Being swept up in passion and uncertainty in the context of known safety and love is an amazing experience and opportunity for growth, connection and pleasure.

We connect strongly with our feminine essence and power when we give ourselves willingly to the masculine energy in love, trust and vulnerability. (It is also powerful to switch the power dynamic and feel our own masculine energy and run the show, but that topic deserves its own article!)   It’s also very powerful for men to be willingly given permission by the feminine, to be in their masculine energy and feel the healing love and renewing light that is your beautiful feminine energy and power. You are a portal to everything in the universe he cannot experience without you and he can take you to places you will never go alone, it’s truly the power of the masculine and feminine in action and it is mind blowing!

With clear communication, an open mind and a willing heart, you can set the scene to create and allow some very erotic and intense experiences together and learn new things about yourself and each other in the process.

 

If you are ready to invest some time into having more erotic, amazing sex, join me on Sunday, October 23rd for my next workshop.

 

 

 

 

Beautiful, Confident and Sexy

Being confident about our worthiness is so very important to living an authentic, exciting, creative and passionate life. The power of affirmations has been proven time and again, they reach into your subconscious and help to weed out the old beliefs that don’t serve you. Here are some affirmations to use daily, or multiple times daily, that support your growth, confidence and allowing of pleasure into your life at new levels.

Passionate sex and deep pleasure are my birthright.
Orgasms are a gift of physical and energetic connection to all that is.
Experiencing orgasms alone and/or with my lover allows me to connect in a beautiful and powerful way with love, creativity, light and God.
I am loved and I am worthy of this gift to it’s fullest extent.
I am safe, I can allow myself to be loved, to be open and to be seen by my lover who truly wants me to be the best and truest version of me.
Allowing myself to embody pleasure, ecstasy, joy and the deep connection only possible in sex with my lover, makes my life richer, our relationship stronger and all aspects of my life more creative and powerful.
Playing with my own perceived taboos and naughtiness is erotic and exciting.
My sex life is the perfect place for me to be vulnerable and expand my understanding of myself.
I am safe to be open to learning about myself through my sexual thoughts, fantasies, ideas and intuition and I have a partner who will celebrate and enjoy sharing this process with me.
I am open to discussing anything that brings pleasure to me or my lover in the safety of our loving, consensual, committed relationship.

I am holding the vision of you living everyday as the glorious, unique, beautiful and sexy woman you truly are. You are worthy of all that you imagine and so much more!

If you would like to take further action on these affirmations or want more support contact me.

 

Are You Faking It?

I know from many discussions with friends and coaching clients, that sex is an area of ourselves and our lives where we either don’t know how to say what we want, are afraid to say it and sometimes, aren’t even sure what it is. We often have beliefs or rules about our own sexual thoughts, language and behaviors that we didn’t intentionally choose but are still affecting our own levels of frustration, irritation and even anger that prevent us from allowing pleasure. If we don’t acknowledge and value our own worthiness, don’t have awesome communication skills and/or fear our partner’s reaction, we may decide to just fake it to get it over with. We convince ourselves that our own truth is less important than the impression someone else has, including our life partner! This belief is a downward spiral, that festers inside of us, makes us feel more frustrated and causes less interest in sex altogether. So, what’s the solution?

We can start by telling the truth about our feelings, our pleasure, our orgasms, our fantasies. Be honest, be authentic and stop judging. I am talking about realizing the true worthiness of our being, our soul and our life and behaving with that confidence. There is work for all of us to do around feeling worthy, valued and truly loved for exactly who we are without faking it at all. (FYI, I’m not saying it’s ok to be a mean bitch, if that’s how you feel I think another approach may be necessary!) You deserve amazing orgasms, they are your birthright, I am serious. Think for a moment about the ways you get to experience love, joy, ecstasy and pure pleasure in your life. For me, amazing sex is my  number one physical experience. We have a body for many reasons, sexual pleasure is one of the most important ones for our growth, creativity and romantic relationship.

There is a power that comes with honoring our own desire, embracing our ecstasy and connecting with the deep, unconditional love that surrounds us. Within our committed, monogamous relationships, we all have to continue to grow individually and together for it to be healthy and happy. Who you have been, who you are now, and who you are becoming are three different people. Moving forward into a life with even more passion, connection and authenticity together is a conscious choice. Being true to yourself is a required part of this journey. Within the context of our loving relationship, I know there is room for better communication, more compassion, deeper forgiveness and a much clearer relationship with our worthiness and those create a beautiful space for personal growth, more amazing sex and long term marital happiness.